sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
