This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
