I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
