She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I puked a lego.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
