I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
