I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
