my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
