garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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