You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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