highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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