If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
