i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
