You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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