We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
