Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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