Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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