Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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