he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
