I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
