My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
