She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize