Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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