I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
