I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
vagina is talking i cant
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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