Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
