guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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