i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
