just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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