I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
