On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
