yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
