1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
