If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
