You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
