I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
