You're my little dorito
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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