I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize