So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
