trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
