I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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