I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
