chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize