Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
