yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I smell stomach acid.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
