Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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