someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
