i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
