you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
