I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
try to milk me bitch
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize