is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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