tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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