My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
