Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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