So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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