please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize