It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
