Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
