She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
