Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I want to have your abortion
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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