your parents love me but you hate me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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