I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
