so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
