Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
