So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
