I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i have two assholes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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