The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
