She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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