One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
