Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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