you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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